FS.Rain

I thought I had prepared myself for this...
Things did turn out the way that I anticipated, I really thought that I have braced myself..
Ha~ Now, I do know, I've placed this friendship with W on quite a high value..

I know that the moment that I speak-up and declare my real thoughts about certain things W does, W will get offended somehow or start the train of thoughts >>> in a direction that's similar to "Oh? She thinks she knows me SO WELL? WTH? She's nobody! She knows nothing!! Who is she to comment to judge and to assess me?" bla bla bla bla, bla bla bla~

It happened... officially, I think I am condemned and maybe starting to get hated by someone as of yesterday, that is like 10/10/2008... LOL why is the date here? well, I had prepared myself all this while for the day that because of someone even closer that I'm in concerned, things that I will do... shall affect this friendship.. But, when it happens, at that moment that I got aware of the my 'judegment' by W, I'm really disappointed to a certain extend...

I was really thinking:"I spent time and effort trying and I did, to understand you my friend, through those many talks that I had, and sometimes intentionally saying/asking you things to test some waters to get to know you better... but at the end of the day, when it is at that moment in time where you are overloaded with stress and things that bugs your mind... you never gave it more thooughs and more consideration.. never even consider standing in my shoes in my point of view to know and understand what I felt and what I think... and the best.. never even clarified with me your thoughts/assumptions/accusations and so on.. you have only related it to someone.. and prior to that, as per what I have 'guessed and anticipated', you have already made a conclusion and passed judgement on me... without giving me any credibility and chance of self-defence... This is really your extreme ways in treating friends... maybe you had too many that never really took you as one... coz now, you are actually calling me 'so-called friend' or something to that extend... Why can't you identity true friends? Why can't you know me better or really get to know then make up your mind on what the heck this person is?"

Guess what? It bothered me to an extend that I actually had a dream with W, X and J... haha... W came visiting and ended in X room 'loaning' the mattress and space... the setting was laid in our 5-room flat... we were having fun... but in the dream.. I'm already given the cold shoulder... The dream ain't those fuzzy ones.. It tires me... and saddens me somehow...

Now, I'm in this situation that I can't exactly approach WMW to clarify things... to speak for myself (as much as I really want to!!!) as whatever that I'm aware, comes from a sensitive source PLUS my own intuition, prediction and observations.

Well, I am pretty good at analysing and making 'guesses' on one's thoughts/moves/behaviors, and I have good observations made for those I'm truly concerned >> Family & Friends

This strength, I am very confident of, but I know WMW does not think so and thought otherwise... Aih... while I'm here sort of 'whinning' and venting... even thought I can 'guess/predicts' what colourful things goes on in WMW mind as time passes by >> damnation is bestowed on me, in most circumstance, a normal person and myself too, will get affected and does not like to know or aware of negative and incorrect accusations on one's character & personality.. By right I would be unhappy, I would be upset, I would feel so wronged...

But, somehow, knowing W (no matter how you deny that I know you to a certain extend, I am sure of my stand and my analysis of your character/personality), I'm kinda amazed that I'm not angry or wish to get upset at W for whatever gonna be said by, or thought by W. I do know that these buttons, once I decide to push it.. I gotta bear the consequences...

Hmm... felt like ranting more.. but... I needa go makan...

Guess I shall comeback to look thought and edit plus rant more at a later time ba?

PS: I still hope that WMW gives a chance to our friendship.. althoguh I know in the near future, that is not likely possible..
Ha~ then perhaps can I hope that in many years time (dun make it too long pls~), this could be possible? I still treat WMW as a good friend... I really see the good friend material in WMW.. I wana befriend such a friend.. but its really not EZ and with other things going on concurrently... Aih...

FS.Rain

After-thots (2/3/09): *bleah* I think I was rather emo that period of time to get so emo over such a small thing ba? lolx but I guess its still how much I value friendships that lead to such overwhelming feelings towards disappointment... Anyways... I think for certain friends and people that I know.. it may take more time than I realise to get to know them better... But me being me.. may just feel strongly over nothing~ (for those whom I care) XP