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Wednesday, 04 April 2012

[Quotes]16 Things That it Took Me Over 50 Years to Learn-Dave Berry

I came across this article in Google+ here:

It is so interesting and humorous that I wana share it on my blog!


16 Things That it Took Me Over 50 Years to Learn (by Dave Barry)

I love the hilarious little signs that hang on the walls of Jimmy John's sandwich shop (Mmmm, Jimmy Johns), and I took my son there tonight for dinner. One sign that always really tickles us both is shown below --- it was written by my all-time favorite writer, humorist Dave Barry on his 50th birthday. Although it is very funny, there's a lot of truth and some good advice in there, too. Hope you get a chuckle out of it (my son's favorites are #1, #10, and #15. I'm quite partial to #2, only because it's so true!). :)

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Final thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to the women to stomp the snot out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

--- Dave Barry

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