.:FS.Räîn:.

I've read your blog.
Am glad to notice that we still have an important place in your heart. Though our words may have hurt you, you did it too, with your own. Not that I am trying to push the blame on you, but at times, you don't think, you act on how you felt. You gave in to your emotions and let them run over your brain and control your body without consiously knowing so.
Despite everything, I am really contended to know that you are aware of your own actions and thoughts, ESPECIALLY those that will harm yourself and get us all hurt by it. Please always remember that, you are not alone. You tend to take great likings to place yourself in your own world, a world which you think that you are at disadvantage. A world that you think that you are a victim of 'lost attentions/affections'. A world that you think that you lost all freedom, and all will to live on....
But you are not. That is just an illusion, a land of escapade which you drew yourself in. Amidst everything else that is revolving around you, you went in and out of that place. Mind you, however cruel it is to be living in REALITY, you are still going to live through it.
You have come thus far, but there's still a long long way ahead. Everyone else may come and go. We, unlike any others, are here to stay. The reason, I'm sure you know.
I would say that at this stage of your life, your studies are of utmost important. I am not saying that you have done nothing or attempted nothing at all in maintaining where you were. However, I think that you need to spend some time to re-prioritise your time and your priorities at this time of the year. It is just 6 more months before you move on to another level, another part of your life. You maybe able to join in a tertiary program, you may have to serve the nation. I, for one, would prefer that you fight for the opportunity to pursue your studies as it may be harder after a break of 2.5years if you are to serve the nation... you know what I mean, and you have seen it before, how I managed work, family and studies all at the same time. Or perhaps, you didn't notice that it was hard for me, too?

I know that you felt like the whole world weigh down on you, things don't work out, all these relationships came up with problems one after another... How about thinking of someone else who is much worse than you? There's always this saying that there is someone who is better than you (人外有人,天外有天), there is also someone who is much worse! No rush to solve ALL problems at once, take it one by one. Slowly, coz your efforts in resolving the issues will show.

Sacrifices hurts. But regrets cuts deeper. It is better to make some sacrifices now than to have regrets eating you away later. Think things through. I hate to say this but you do have to decide and make some sacrifices to ensure that you pave your own path as you set your foundation for your own future. We have gone through these many times before, you know what you want and what you need. It is fine to be selfish at times, as long as you are not doing it at the expense of others. You can always talk to us, especially mum. It may not seem obivous to you, but to me, she knows very little of what you are going through at this stage of life. You have not shared much with her. Trust me, she is a good advisor, though the way she's gonna say it may hurt you, but you must always remember that she is just trying to point out the cold hard facts that you may have wished to not acknowledge.

We have talked to her and even suggested to her to not delve into your BGR, hope it helps. But I hope that what I have commented to you previously on that issue is not forgotten.

Do check your gmail sometime... I think I will not post it up here for all to read as we go forward... I do have to watch what I say afterall... it's a public space!!

Last night, well, actually it's in the wee hours of this morning, all three of us were still in the living room watching this JDrama series when in the midst of watching, things happened:

Right at the corner of my eyes, where I can see both Xiu and Bao who were siting diagonally across my right, I saw the two of them raising their arms. Both raised their arms together spontaneously! Just as I thought it was strange of them to raise one of their arms for no reason, I had a glimpse of something in their hands... its one slipper in each hand!!

I turned my head to look at them clearly, true enough, they were indeed holding their arms up with a slipper in each of their hands, in a stance like that of one who is aiming to hit something. ITS SO FUNNY!! I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING!!

Hahaha, well, its all because of the little bug that flew past them (which I missed noticing) and its just their reflexes against such flying bugs!! But its so funny!! What's even better was the bug-hitting-show that was put-up when the bug flew down towards one of them and all hell break loose.. Armed with a slipper in their hands, they sprang from the floor and were swatting at the bug and at one point, the bug went 'blurred' and headed for Xiu's slipper, and then goes a 'thud-thud', down goes the bug after being hit Xiu and then bounced off the wall before landing on the floor.

Victory for the spontaneous bug busters!!

Trust me... if only I can paint the picture... it is really hilarious!!

FS.Rain

One of my most recent dreams that I can ever recall is about this 'idol' that me and xiu supports. I won't talk about it here as I have already done so in my Wretch blog... I was just thinking... Are there any underlying messages from the dreams that we have? The old chinese saying always depict it as a result of what you have been going through recently and what you have been thinking of frequently. But is it always so? I'm glad that I don't always remember what I dreamt of, if I am able to do so, it usually affects the quality of my sleep.
~~~~~

Life?!
I started having thoughts of Life ever since I was about the age 6 or so. If I didn't remember wrongly, it was sort of spurred by my drunk father who behaved, looked like, and sounded like he was dying... I was really scared... scared of 'Death', then.

What exactly is Life? My ex-classmate Shuang used to love to ask me this everyday, or almost everyday... "Pbang, What's Life?" Each time, I find myself giving her a different answer. I, am still unable to answer this question.

I find it a waste of time, occasionally when this question and these thoughts came up in my mind, for us to be born into the world, live through life with all the struggles, some had more, some went smooth sailing... But ultimately, we die. I always like to conclude it as "We are born to death" or "born to die" or "born and destined to die". It seems so, when simply put. The next thing that came up is "If so, why the trouble?". Why do we go through the phases and when its time for harvest, we have reached prime time, the golden age... and soon, THE END. What for?

At the point of death, everything's gone. You will cease to exist physically. What about your feelings? What about all the thoughts that we have while we were alive? Everything that we see, the senses of touch, the songs and melodys that we hear, it is so real. But what happens when I am dead? Or how is it when I die? Is there the spiritual me? Do I become a ghost? Though I have no doubts that these things exist as a form of 'after-life', but I don't feel it substantially. Knowing it is not enough to convince me that it is not too bad... Whenever thoughts of Life & also Death comes up, I felt an emptiness... I'm not sure if I am describing it correctly, but I do feel a hollowness towards the whole thing about being alive. It is scary, because it is something unknown, something that's alien. And I can't imagine, and I do not wish to imagine what it will be for me when my love ones 'depart'. It is saddening.
~~~~~~

Well well well...
I went overboard, I guess...
But I can't help but to jot it down somewhere...

Whoa!
I had been terribly immensed in the world of Fan Fiction!!
http://www.fanfiction.net has tons of fabulous fics! I was really kinda addicted..

In the begining, I was only browsing, surfing the net. Was interested to find out more on HaJi of Blood+. So I found the site. Started reading... and couldn't stop. My thirst and hunger for more has never been so intense!
Well, that is, in the first place you have to really enjoy reading and getting yourself sucked into the fictional world, a world that is within your imagination!!

From there, I sported fics for Gokusen. The more I read, the stronger the urge to read the manga and watch the anime!! Coz the fics that I really enjoyed were those crossing and extracting/developed from portions of the anime, manga and JDrama. Of coz, I visualise with the faces of the Jdrama... coz the glimpse of the anime characters kind of got me a little disappointed..

All in all, I was glad that I know this language, and that there are wonderful folks out there with great writing skills and creative minds, yet generous enough to put their thoughts down to share with the rest of us out there. THANK YOU!!

There are quite a few fics that I really wana reccomend, but my eyes are failing me now... soon they will black-out, so I guess I shall do that in the next post.

 PS: SF, Sorrie!! I really got too carried away with work and everything else (fics too)... I better not make any promise to send you the photos le... hope that I get to do it this weeken bah..

Fangru

Two Friends

Two friends were walking through the desert. At some point of the journey, they had an argument; and one friend slapped the other in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "Today my best friend slapped me in the face".

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning, he carved on a stone: "Today my best friend saved my life".

The friend who had slapped and saved him asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone . why?"

The other friend replied, "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. However, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but a lifetime to forget them.

Yoz!

Haha!! Just popping-in to see how's the place going...
Hope that you guys are still doing fine.
I will catch up with the posts tonight or tomorrow bah...
Coz to grab the usage of the 2 PCs at home is of great challenge.
To calm myself and to pyscho myself into believing that I am not tired is another obstacle to tackle...

Lastly, THANK YOU for visiting!
If you have a blog/site, please do leave a comment and I shall be visiting too!

Ciaoz!

FS.Rain¬ Celsius

For Lao Bao:

The same blood flows within us. But there's a temper that you tend to throw. Be it consiously or sub-consiously.

I was once, hot-headed, bad tempered, unreasonable (as per Lao Xiu), but it's all past.

Those were the days of adolescent? Teenage years? Or just a phase of puberty where our hormones rule.

You gotta control the tone of your voice when you speak. You should know that I do not throw temper or show attitude for no reason. If I started off with a normal tone of voice, and a reply/retort was displeasingly thrown back at me, I will flare up. It's Simple, I will respect one who respect himself/herself. As a family, we should be appreciative of one another. DO NOT take each family member for granted. For now, we are together. Till then, we do not know. If one day we are to part... Regrets are the last thing we want to remember for the rest of our lives.

Also, although you are still young, but our parents are no longer considered 'young'. The time that we have now, we may not have it in the next few years. Coz then, we shall be pursuing our careers, or you may wish to settle down and start a new family. It is now that you have the right timing and chance to cherish the time that we can spend with our family.

Communication is VERY IMPORTANT. We will not know what you are thinking till you vocalise it. Why so? Coz you have not been communicating to us much. You spend more time with your friends, and you have already made it clear to us that you would prefer to do that. It is ultimately your decision, but still, you need to voice out. Keeping things in you does not help in perfecting or better our family members' relationship with one another.

 Everyone's effort goes a long way. I have experienced it myself, I have done it myself, that is why today we are how we are. Try to recall how things were before the 1997... was it the same?

Then, as I remember, you were close to Lao Xiu as play mates, to me, I'm not sure if you even realise and respect me for who I am - your sis. Was mum and dad in the list of your concern? Was I part of your worries? I think, at that point, PLAYING & HAVING FUN was filling up your mind, your heart and your soul.

Everyone makes mistakes. I love to indulge in the videos / articles of those people (those Male species) whom I adore. I believe that everyone loves to indulge in things/people they like, things/people they love, and it's the same with me and you. If you need to catch my attention, you have to learn to catch it. To emphasize on the main points.

You can do anything if you put in the effort to get it done. To expect something from me or anyone else, I believe that it is equivalent to you doing it to us. Remember the old saying?

"Do unto others, what you want others to do unto you."

It's the end of February!! And just prior to that, prior to the long break of Chinese New Year, I found a job, and I tendered my resignation!!

Friends, I know what most of you would be saying... "WHAT? You're changing job again?! Job-hopping No Good!" ... -_-;;

If you have known me well enough... you would have known that it is very very hard for me to stay in a job when I know too well that its not suitable for me. Also, bear in mind that from year 2003 - 2005, I had been studying and working at the same time. Not to forget that at that point of time, I was switching from my career path from the 'sciences' to 'human resources management', hence was trying very VERY hard to catch a job in HR. Little do I know that HR vacancies appear periodically, and I mean PERIODICALLY. Not like there are my HR jobs around at any one time. Most of the times you will get to see Sales positions, accounts, and for the past few years, Engineering jobs...

So that period of time, I was literally taking up any job that I can settle in to fit my study needs and allow me to contribute to my family income. (I don't come from a wealthy, not even from the average earning income group coz.... well, not very convenient to blurt it all out...) Anyway, I was really 'young' then, and wasn't that confident of my capabilities in HRM, though I am very experienced in Admin. So I wasn't really asking for what I should be getting.

It was until now, or at least 2 years back that I covered all aspects of HR, and am very sure of what I know and what I don't that i know of my market value. Some things comes with age and experience. I am grateful that somehow, I had the opportunity to start work at a younger age. Sometimes, I think that being ignorant till an older age is a bliss, too...

Anyway, back to the subject... - Switching job

I am moving on to a charitable organization. My second one thus far in my working life. The first was in a monastery. With the most recent lessons learnt (through this current job in a reputable 'MNC'), and with the incorporation of my plans for the next 2-5 years, this new job allow me to have slightly more pay than the current, more time to sleep as I will be working from 9am-5pm Mon to Fri, and 9am to 1pm on Sat and it is closer to home as compared to the current, and it is accessible by train. I realised that I favor travelling by train as the timing will not be too hectic to predict. Also, the new workplace is very close to central, great location to meet up with family and friends for dinners, outings, shopping spree after work! Also, if you do realise, I am ending work early, that gives me more time for my personal life, which really fit into my plan -- to save enough money and have the time to pursue a degree! Mind you guys, I am not a graduate, although most people whom I know at work thought so. With work and the experiences, I find that there is just not enough knowledge in me academically...

Also, after going through the 'idol-chasing' in Jan, I am determined to visit Taiwan in October this year. Setting this goal will conincidentally give me more 'push' to fullfill my other goal -- LOSING WEIGHT AND LOSING EXTRA 'FLUB'!

Wish me all the luck in all areas of life!

Ciaoz!

I came upon my 1st blog hosted by Tripod, there were quite a few entries (comparing it with the 2nd version hosted by dreambooks), so I decided to shift it over to this blog.

While shifting the entries, I realised that I was kinda "crazy" when I posted those entries. I gues I was still having great passions in exploring Web Designing and such... Then, I quited my course in Biomedical Science after completing the 2nd year, started working and went on part-time studies to obtain a diploma in Human Resource Management. I have yet went through much changing of jobs...

Now, 4 years from then (2003), I guess the fuel for the flame of passion in webbies almost ran out, am glad that I realised what I have done to the Flame. I think its always good to go steady and not rush in head first. From the working experiences, I truly learned more about how I work, how I do things. Now, I am telling myself, while you are adding fuel to your engines, you need to ensure that you do not over fill it, prevent the spills, maintain the engines and ensure that it's performing at its optimum, but not over its limits. Also, never put in too much personal feelings into the things that you do, you tend to get too personal and may deter your own progress in the event that there are any disappointments. Especially so if you know that you tend to have high hopes and expectations in most things that you do.

Well, after reflecting upon myself, I have once again, brought myself back to the path from which I almost got stranded.

Slowly, I told myself, I shall keep the flame burning, allowing it to slowly grow stronger as each day passes. One day, it shall be as strong as that in a fireplace, and it shall bring in much warmth and comfort along with the hope and light!

Lao bao is such a nasty boy!

keep pestering me to give up the pc for him to use! Hellooo! I have not been using the PC daily! you were always using it! Sad.... xiu bully me... bao follow suit....

Someone  get me a new PC lah!! TT-TT

I want a Digital Camera!

I know that Samsung L70 fits my needs.... wonder who'll sponsor....

If that day ever comes...

Curse you! Idiot Bao!

^v^